InuYasha Randomness
by Witch Tekamika
Summary: Just some totally random story we wrote out of sheer boredom. Features craziness and author bashing! They are so mean to us! Co written with Evil Llama Pjamas Yes, i spelt Pjamas right, if i spelt it any other way she'll hurt me! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Sesshomaru just stared.

He Rin and jaken had just come across InuYasha's human wench sitting by a strem in the western lands.

She was very much alone.

_Damn half breed brother, probably fought with her causing her to run into my lands._

_This i do not have to put up with._

Only just noticng the grand taiyoukai standing behind, Kagome quickly stood.

"S...Sesh...Sesshomaru..." she stuttered completely oblivious to the demons company.

With out warning Kagome ran hugged Sesshomaru around the waist and starting crying.

Tears running down her already tear stained face.

"Thank God your here!" she sobbed into his shirt.

Sesshomaru was starting to get really freaked out now. she was actually hugging him.

"What do you want wench?" he finally managed to get out.

"Do you remember a few weeks back, when we were all under that spell thing?"

He was starting to get really worried now.

He remembered that VERY clearly.

VERY VERY clearly.

"Well you remember what happened don't you?"

She was starting to sound desperate.

"i don't know how to tell you this but..."

"I... well you see... the thing is..."

"Just spit it out wench" cried sesshomaru starting to get a bit annoyed.

"Lord Sesshomaru? What is that lady doing to you?" Rin asked after seeing kagome grasping onto sesshomaru's kimono.

"Nothing Rin. Jaken," said sesshomaru now starting to struggle at keeping up his bland emotionless face mask.

"Y.. Yes my lord?"

"Take Rin home. I need to talk to InuYasha's wench and what we might end up saying is not entirerly appropriate for someone of her age."

"Yes my lord. Come on brat." Jaken said starting to get annoyed.

"Yes master jaken. Goodbye lord sesshomaru."

At hearing this sesshomaru let a small smile escape his lips.

"I knew you had a softer side. That's why i need to tell you that..."

"Well spit it out woman! don't just stand there all day! i have better things to do."

sesshomaru was starting to lose his cool now. she was really peeving him.

"well... i... i... i love you!"

he was startled. why would anyone love him? why would she love him?

inuyasha's wench of all people!

she had told him that when they were under that spell.

"i told you a few weeks ago, but i've only just relised that i really meant it." she tried to explain.

"i accidentally told inuyasha two days ago during one of our fights. i fled soon after."

sesshomaru was stunned. he was seriously lost for words. that had never happened before.

"well i need to tell you some thing too. i'm..."

"Yes?" asked Kagome sweetly as she smiled up at the demon lord who had stolen her heart.

"You were never under a spell!"

"WHAT!"

"You were just hallucinating. You had a very bad fever when you were staying at my castle while inuyasha and i were having a series of ... meetings."  
"But then why... " Kagome was suddenly red and turned to run away only to be stopped by Sesshomaru.

He had used a burst of demon speed to get around to the other side of her.

"Please just let me go..." she said trying to get past the demon lord.

"No or at least not until you hear me out."  
"very well."

"I have always loved you too."

Kagome was in shock when she heard this and didn't know what to do. Sesshomaru then suddenly went and sniffed her.

"Did you know that..."

"you need a shower."

"Well dah! of course i need a shower." Kagome couldn't help but laugh at sesshomaru's comment.

"Well then would you like to accompany me home where you can bath to your hearts content?"

"thank you. god your so much nicer then inuyasha. he would never have asked such a nice thing. he would have said something like, 'feh thats your problem. your the one that stinks.' i don't know why i ever hung around with him. he's such a loser."

"i'm glad you figured it out."

"hey don't be..."

she didn't get the chance to finish. Because sesshomaru just kissed her.

---watching from the shadows----

"what does he think he's doing? that bast..."

"shut up up mutt face. do you want to be caught?"

"no! but he'd better get his hands off her."

"for once i agree with you; that's my woman he's kissing."

"she's not your woman you mangy wolf."

----------

kagome looked at the shadows. she could sense some jewel shards.

"what is it?" asked sesshomaru, with a hint of worry in his voice.

"Nothing, it doesn't matter." With that said Kagome pulled sesshomaru into a deep, passionate kiss.

--------

"Who the hell does she think she is?"

"Shut up dog turd, i'm sure he is just holding her captive and this is part of her ingenuis plan to get free."

_BONK_

"God you dumb." said the hanyou in the shadows with a very evil smirk.

---------

Sesshomaru broke off the kiss. "Did you hear something."

"Um...no"

"Funny because that pathetic excuse for a half breed brother of mine and that overly possesive wolf are hiding in the trees."  
"Shhhh. Don't let them know that we know that they are there."  
"Well then why dont we just...


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: we do not own Inuyasha... blah blah blah you know the routine

dramatic pause...

"well?" asked kagome

"i don't know. i thought it was making me sound smart." finished sesshomaru

kagome just laughed.

"i'll think of something then." thinking

"i know! why don't you pretend to propose to me. that will really get their blood boiling"

"Great idea. I just love pissing inuyasha off, if you couldn't already tell."

And with that sesshomaru clear his voice and bent down on one knee.

--------

"What the fu.."

_BONK!_

"Really InuTrasha i would have thought by now that you would have realised that this is a childrens/teens story.

So please mind the language a little."

"Don't tell me what to do! I'll swear all i want F#! F$# F&...

_BONK!_

"And you should stop incouraging him Sam! You too steph!"  
(sam)"Hey buddy, you are telling off the one person that can kill you off so watch the mouth."  
Grin falters "Yes m'am."

(sam)"That's better. Yeah go team!" high fives all around

(steph)"And remember... someone somewhere is missing a pumpkin so if you find it, let us know!"

(sam)"Shut up steph"

(steph)"Make me."

Starts fighting

---------

In a loud clear voice, "Kagome, you know i haven't known you for very long and that we have slept together many times just to piss off inuyasha

but i love you dearly, i have thought about you every minute of everyday for the last 2 years that we have been together and that you have been leading my little

brother on, any who, cut to the chase. Will you marry me?"

authors stop fighting and look, waiting for an answer Even koga and inuyasha are waiting.

"Well.. I...ah...um...

kagome jumps on sesshomaru, knocking him backwards.

"of course i will. i love you. i'm so glad you finally asked me!"

jaws drop all around

kagome pulls sesshomaru into a deep kiss.

---in the shadows---

"i'm going to kill him! how dare he ever touch her. that's my woman your marrying there buddy!"

_BONK_

"will you shut you stinkin' wolf they'll hear you. if they haven't already. and you won't kill him that's my job! it says."

"where?"

"in the 'hating your evil half brother for dummies' handbook."

"really? i didn't think that one was out yet."

(sam)"hey bozos!"

(steph)"yeah remember us? i'm steph and she's sam."

(sam)"if you can't remember, sesshomaru just asked kagome to marry him."

(steph)"and in the meantime your talking about a book that only points out how stupid you guys are"

(both inuyasha and koga) " oh yeah"

--- back to the story---

sesshomaru had kagome in a strong embrace.

"do you think they believed it?" he whispered in her ear.

"Oh yeah, i can see them. The looks on there faces are priceless."  
"what are we going to do now?

"I don't know but if we keep whispering into each others ears like this then i'm sure we could come up with something."

"Such as?"

Kagome pulled herself away enough to look at Sesshomaru, both still clasping the others hands.

"I have to tell you something very important, and i don't want you to interupt me until i'm done. K?

"Okay..." replied sesshomaru raising an eyebrow and wondering what the young human was up to.

Very loudly Kagome exclaimed excitedly, "I'm pregnant!"

"That's ... that's..." putting his forehead to kagome's he whispered with a smile, "Are you insane?"

"Maybe a little... but this is gonna be so good when inuyasha and koga find out. Totally classic!"

Not sure what this phrase meant, sesshomaru being the great (failed! oops did i type that?) actor that he is picked her up bridal style and spun around with

a huge smile on his face, causing kagome (And everyone reading... hey who keep typing stupid things? huh! is that you koga? "So what if it is?" you are sooo dead! "I'll be good.") to laugh.

---meanwhile, in a wannabe inconspicuious yet totally obvious place in the shadows---

"What the hell does she mean, pregnant?"

"Well inuyasha, when a man and woman love each other then..."

_BONK!_ see steph! and exclamation mark!

"God, your stupid. you think i don't know any of that!"

"Well inudumbo, it wouldn't surprise me if you didn't."

"Shutup sam! no one asked your opinion!

"Fine then. well check this sentence suddenly a huge train came out of no where and hit inuyasha. Tragically, at the scene, he die..."

"Okay okay (mumbled quickly) i'msorry.

"What i didn't catch that."

"i said i'm sorry. but one question."  
"Shoot."

"What?"

"Doesn't matter. what is the question?"

"What's a train?"

_BONK!_

"HA HA HA HA! take that inuyasha." said koga after he hit inuyasha on the head.

"yeah go koga!" high fives between steph, sam and koga)

Suddenly a huge train came out of no where and hit koga. Everybody cheered! Except steph who was totally distaught and crying.

--- somewhere where something more important and possibly humourous is going on ---

"Kagome, i have something important to tell you."

"Okay shoot."

"What is it with people saying that?"

shrugs

"Well you see i'm...

--- last time in this story---

"Kagome, i have something important to tell you."

"Okay shoot."

"What is it with people saying that?"

shrugs

"Well you see i'm...

---now back to the story---

"well i'm a bi/metro sexual."

(mumbling) "Well that explains a few things..."

"What?"

"Nothing. Just promise me one thing."

"Anything for you sweetheart."  
"Better make that three things."

"Which are..."

"One; never call me sweetheart, you sound like and old grandparent or aunt/ uncle that i'm forced to spend time with when i really just make up excuses to get out of seeing them. (sesshomaru nodds, with the smile the size of the chesire cat on his face)Two; Rin understands that the child will be like a little brother or sister, not a replacement for her and three; that you will never...

and three; that you will never

ever wear the colour green. it soooo doesn't suit you

"Only if you don't wear pink. It makes you look fat."

"Okay deal."

They hugged and sesshomaru pulled her into yet another deep passionate kiss.

_I hope we don't go over bored with this, but my oh my sesshomaru is one hell of a kisser! what am i thinking, i'm only doing this to get inuyasha jealous, but then again,_

_why not enjoy myself while i have the oppurtunity. He is way hotter then inuyasha._

steph drooling- yeah but have you seen him with no shirt? way drool factor.

sam- i though you had the hots for koga

steph- yeah but i was cheating on koga with sesshy.

sam- TMI steph.

_For a human wench, she is kind of cute. what am i saying? this is to hurt my **dear** little brother. but who said i can't have some fun along the way?_

---meanwhile in the shadows---

"sam! why do you torture me so?"

"because, sweety it's just way fun!"

"god i hate you!"

(sarcastically) "yeah i love you too."

"I can't take much more of this" and then inuyasha jumped out of the shadows, only to run into...


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own inuyasha

sorry scratch that

only to have a cute adorable little kitsune almost knock him over.

"Brat! what are you doing here"

shipppo was crying

"i'm trying to find mama kagome and papa sesshomaru"

inuyasha started growling, "what did you call him"

suddenly a huge train came out of nowhere and hit sam. she will be taken to hell to spend the rest of her days listening to koga telling her how kagome is his woman not that mangy flea bag inutrasha's

"I said mama kagome and papa sesshomaru, you know... those two have been together for ages."

"How long have you known?"

"the whole time. Sesshomaru has been my daddy for a long time. i prefer him over you. Jerk!"

With that shippou ran over to sesshomaru and kagome.

They looked the perfect picture of a happy family.

Then out of no where a huge train came and hit sesshomaru and steph was crying. sesshomaru died on impact partly from being hit by a train and partly beacuse steph had just told him that she was having a hot hot and steamy affair with ... orchestral stab... dramatic silence... Naraku!

without warning koga came through a warp hole and dragged steph to hell so she would have to listen to him while he left sam back on earth because he found her more annoying then she found him! HA take that steph! she talked him into a second death! sweet!

just then kikyo turned up.

"inuyasha, baby, i don't need you to come to hell with me anymore."

inuyasha was devastated. it was the only thing he looked forward to now that he had lost kagome to his own big brother. he had been lied to by the people he almost considered to be family.

those he had trusted. and now he had even lost the woman who wanted to drag him off to hell.

" but why kikyo? you've been trying to get me to join you for donkeys years."

"yeah but i'm soooo over you. i found myself someone new. you might have met them. their name is sam."

ha ha ha paybacks a bitch sam:) :) :) ;) ;) ;) :) :) ;)

Sam? sam who?" asked inuyasha nearing on the verge of tears.

"Sam grant. you remember him don't you? he is Steph's true love, no matter how much she may try to deny it."

"Oh, that guy... but isn't that what she said about Naraku?"

"Yeah but whatcha gonna do?"

shrugs "I dunno, but what i do know is that i must get kagome back at all costs."

"And what are you gonna do? use that toothpick of a sword? HA! you a no match for your brother no matter what you try."

"Oh yeah?" and with that inuyasha ran kikyo through with his tetsusaiga, the sword he found when he lived as a bin scab. (his father didn't really give it to him, tetsusaiga was lost to the ages almost to millenia ago. so to make inuyasha sound tough and to respect the memory of thier father inuyasha and sesshomaru just say that it belonged to the phantom demon. All those 'amazing' tasks were just a show for the cameras.)

InYasha ran after kagome who was blantanly flirting with Miroku just after she had spent over 2 years denying to have anything to do with him romantically.

Just then...

he heard something coming from behind him.

"inuyasha."

he turned around to find sango. she was wearing the skimpiest outfit he had ever seen. including kagomes school uniform.

"whats the matter inuyahsa. i thought it was obvious how i felt for you. kagome and miroku have been telling me to tell you for ages. it was one of the reasons she took up with sesshomaru. she didn't want to stand between me and you."

with that she walked seductivly up to inuyasha and pulled him into a deep passionate kiss.

"inuyasha how could you!"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: If i owned inuyasha then i would not be typing up stories and posting them on this website, but seeing as i am then obviously i don't own it. :( Boo hoo! author cries loudly.

cried Rin!

"Inuyasha i thought you said that you were going to get kagome to marry you and then adopt me so i would stop being annoyed by that child predetor jaken. And then i finally get away from jaken and i find you picking up the local looking at sango outfit(if that what you want to call it) whore in a dishcloth."

"Were did you learn to talk like that? And is that why sesshomaru leaves you to alone a lot of the time?"

"Yep jaken and sesshomaru as well as the for other lords 'secretly' run a child pornography ring."

"Well then come with me now, we're going."

Inuyasha put rin on his back (while thinking to himself _well that explains more then it doesn't about my brother.shudders_) and they tried to walk out of the trees once more when rin was suddenly plucked of his back by an invisible force andd inuyasha stepped into a big hole in the ground that just appeared out of nowhere.

"Yeah bullshit it appeared out of nowhere! you put it here sam!"

"your point being?"

"you total cold hearted bitch!"

"now now there inuyasha. what did we say about swearing? this story is suppose to be pg."

"Just shut the fuck up! i'm am done talking to you!"

"Well then i guess i'll just have to punish you said with a totally perverted grin to freak him out"

"Why the bloody hell are you looking at me like that for you crazy bitch?"

and with talk sam went down there and started to...

tell hime jokes! steph you have a sick mind

"No please fo the love of god stop!" inuyasha cried.

Just then kagome came over and said...

"ok inuyasha. i came to tell you the truth."

"finally."

" yeah the truth is... well ..you know how sesshomaru and i have been together for like years? right. well when i found you in the forest when you were stuck on the sacred tree, it wasn't the first time that i had come to the feudal era. the first time i came here as soon as i got out of the well someone was there. it was sesshomaru. he had his sword and was going to kill you while you were under that spell. i managed to stop him. we started talking and got on really well. anyway he took me to see his castle and...yeah... well you've met rin."

"Yeah well..."

""yeah well what inuyasha?"

"don't tell me; you are totally pissed off or you are too stunned for words. take your pick."

just then a train appeared out of nowhere and hit inuyasha. he didn't die straight away so the train reversed and hit him over and over again until he was dead.

"Wind Tunnel!"

Sango got sucked away into miroku's never ending void.

"Well miroku, nicely handeled." said kagome sauntering over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder."

"Yeah well, now the show will be cancelled because there is no star."

"are you crazy? the show is about me, not him, it was just called inuyasha because anything starting with a k is destined to fail. Have you ever hearrd of Koalas-r-us?"

"No."

"they were a clothing brand that went bankrupt. sure the clothes have fleas and bred lice but the point is they went bankrupt."

"Ok...?"

"wind tunnel!"

And with that said miroku sucked kagome up into the little black dot on his hand that is suppose to be a wind tunnel.

"Son,"

"yes father?" Miroku replied walking towards his father...

Naraku!

"You are such and loser."

"I know, but hey i got the job done didn't i?"

"True."


End file.
